You're The Worse Mom

Indeed, your baby is the extension of you. Whatever she's doing reflects good or bad on you. No one really factors in that even at the age of 2, these cute lil angels have a mind of their own. If they did something great, well plus point on you. If they cry like there's no tomorrow, well, you're up for an award for the worse mom. Here are the usual things that Moms go through at this phase.

1. She only likes your side of the family. You must be doing something wrong.
Can't 2 year olds have preference for family relationship? Well, as young as they are, you'd be surprise that they do have strong attachment to certain sides of the family. Does that reflect bad on you? Well, you'll be thought of many things. Things like you have too much attachment; you've babied your daughter far too much! You spoiled her too much. Misconceptions, misconceptions, misconceptions. Nobody sees that sometimes it breaks your hear to spank your child because she's acting up. Nobody sees that patience you have to exercise because she's in that terrible two stage. In the eyes of those who don't know, if they can't have what they want immediately, you must be doing something wrong.

2. She's still breasfeeding at 2???? You're doing it all wrong
Yeah, I admit, weaning out can be so convenient. But letting her have formula is not always the solution to make her go with people or relatives she doesn't see often. And if when she doesn't go easily with people, then your baby is labeled with being bratty or annoying. As parents, we shouldn't be the first one to judge our toddlers. My GOD!! she's just 2. We're the adult; let's not crucify the kid for siding on one side of the family. I believe there should always a gameplan involved. But that will only work if all parents are involve. Always try your best not to let your frustration gets the best of you. There are days, I admit, that I get frustrated and want to spank my kid. But I learned that it's not always the best and she'd only cry more.

3. She's not like her dad who's patient. There must be something wrong.
To be frank, I don't want my kid to be exactly like her dad or even me. I want her to be the best version of either of us. Who cares if my daughter doesn't get her dads complacency when he was a kid?? Does that mean she'll fail as an adult? Sometimes it should be adults who have their attitude in check before crucifying 2years for the simple reason of favoring one side of the family.

Things You're Not Entitled To

1) Your lucky you have a kid, so don't complain about it.      The moment you welcome your little bundle of joy, your life changes completely. So what's new? Everyone knows that. But what you will learn on your own is the amount of patience you can try muster in when your 2 year old starts wailing in a high pitched voice that can reach the houses on the other street. I'm always tempted to slap the hell out of my toddler when she's in this wailing state; but then, reason gets the better of me and I just pray I don't give in to my weakness. Reward? When I struggle during moments like this, I always think, my child is an extension of me. When she looks into my eyes, she knows, only mommy can understand her.

2) Your husband's job is to provide and not take care of the kids.  I have this bad habit of thinking that because my husband provides me with everything that I don't need to bother him with the dirty job of taking care of our daughter after office hours. But the thing is, I work too and at the same time I take care of our kid. So when do I get some alone time like my husband? Sometimes I resent the fact that my husband can make plans with his friends, knowing that he doesn't have to worry because I'm at home making sure everything is fine. I hate those moments. It makes me feel alone and without life. Reward? I make him buy me stuff to compensate those moments. Hey, moms should have leverage sometimes, right?

3) You have a perfect family, a single girls night out is not for you anymore.    The people in the office loves to go out for drinks. When I see them in Facebook, I tell myself, that's the night life I use to have. Nowadays, my preliminaries to a night out consists of syncing my husband's free schedule so that I could go out with my girls and have someone take care of the baby. It sucks sometimes but what can you do, you're the squad leader and as a squad leader you have to take care of your platoon first before focusing on yourself. Reward? You have a husband that voluntarily adjusts his schedule and suggests a time for you to have some fun.

4) Your child is a blessing, so always appreciate your moments with her.    Yes of course I feel that way, except for the moments when she wants to stick by you all the time and you have a client call in a few minutes. Except for the moments when she wails to a level of god knows what and she just won't shut up. Except for those times when you want a moments peace and your husband can't shut her up and it's up to you to calm her. When you're typing a blog and she pulls every cord she sees and starts to wail. Reward? When she's calm and starts to sleep, she turns her head and look at you with such look of peace and knows she feels okay or those moments when she gently touches your hair and says "mommy?" with enthusiasm.

For people reading this, you must think I'm one ungrateful mom. Well, it's okay. There are times I feel like that too. But most days, I'm sane and appreciate the blessings I have and that includes a loving husband and a lovely little girl. Sometimes, when it gets too crazy I just want to vent in a healthy and productive way and that includes writing. To all moms out there..kudos to you all.


(Picture below is how my baby prefers to breastfeed. She's a rowdy one).

MY ILLICIT AFFAIR

Have you ever been addicted to something that despite the challenges it offers you can't stop craving for it?
This is my battle with you.
No matter how hard, no matter how excruciating, I still dream of making you a part of my life.
Even if you're no longer a part of it, forces of nature work wonders to make it happen

An hour in the evening after the baby sleeps
2 hours before baby awakes
That's how I start my illicit time with you.
Stealing moments to run my fingers through your pages.

Before my daily grind starts
I think of the time when you'll speak with me again.
Even if my heart fights you 80% of the time
Circumstances force me to understand and truly remember every word you say.

Money spent, time stolen, emotions spent,
Yet, I'm here draining my emotions and heart for you.
Maybe yes, maybe no.
One thing is for sure, I'll never stop trying.

The Silence of a Strong Woman

It takes a strong woman to keep her tears hidden
Cloaked and unseen by those who are supposed to comfort her
Iron jawed, she gets out of bed and act as though everthing is all right

It takes a strong woman to put up a smile for her baby
Greater than a theatre artist to put up a smile and talk to her child like everything is alright
A challenge that she gloriously overcome

When the day ends...when she's in the company of showers and solitude of water
Her emotions break. Tears fell down from her eyes without even her knowing
She silently prays because that's all she has to cling for..

#robot

Graver than an Affair

If a husband is a good provider
Society dictates that a wife should not complain
But there certain things money can't buy
Like taking over an hour or 2 off from your mother duty time

Frustrations often take over when you're thrust upon a new role
When you have to leave the old you and turn into something new
But there are moments that you'll miss them
The thought of being carefree is a feeling you miss and expunge at the same time

Moments when you want a ME time will be less and less
And you resent your partner's social freedom because the lack of yours
It reaches a point where you just want to be away from him
Away from the new you & just enjoy the old you even for a second

Feeling misreable when you should be happy is graver than having an affair
It opens doors for pretensions which eventually cannot be fixed.
These are the times you pray hard enough to be strong
Strong enough even to ignore your husband's snores...

BAR FLUNKER BLUES: Unsolicited Pieces of Advice You Love to Hate

If there’s a perfect time to shut your trapper, this would be it.

The moment you don’t see your name being flashed on that screen in Faura

Is a Cinderella after midnight feeling that turns you into a monster bulldog

But wait, the worst part has yet to come

Like a baby learning to speak for the first time

You can feel the stares of people who want nothing to comfort you and say

“Awwww” “oooos” “haist” “tsk tsk”

But wait, you have yet to hear the pieces of advice you really didn’t solicit

1. All in God’s time

This makes you think that God didn’t want you to pass the Bar this year. Admit it, that exact moment you didn’t see your name, you intentionally and momentarily cursed the faith that you so believe in. Don’t worry, God is forgiving that he’ll let you repent; just make sure you do repent.

What my brain says:  Shut the fuck up! You didn’t take the Bar so you don’t know the feeling. God isn’t a fickle person that prevented me from passing. The fault is mine; maybe I didn’t study much or appreciated a question wrong. Point is, God always want you to pass. You just have to work harder for it.

2.  Maybe it’s your handwriting, try making it bigger.

This is the classic one. Blame it on the way I write. Even if you let them see your now newly constructed perfect handwriting, they will always find fault in it just to justify the fact that you didn’t pass the Bar.

What my brain says:  Yup, Bar is so fickle that it all boils down how perfect your handwriting is (rolling my eyes). Stop judging the way I write.

3. Study harder this time; maybe you didn’t study much

Oh yeah! The past 6mos.of my life was just like reading a 50 Shades of Grey book and browsing through the pages. Me not studying enough for the Bar can be the culprit, but please don’t accuse me of not giving my 100,000% into it. It’s an insult to my efforts and intelligence.

What my brain says:  Only people who didn’t go to law school will have the audacity to tell you this.

These unsolicited pieces of advice really put the cream in my night cap. Even I feel my own negativity leaking from this article. I just want to say to all people who passed the BAR first time and those you haven’t opened even a single page of codal, words of encouragement has its own place. If a person doesn’t seek advice from you, don’t give it. A simple smile and encouragement will do without turning into the Roman Catholic Pope.

Sometimes a simple gesture, a smile and a non-judgmental dialogue is just enough; and oh, the presence of booze also smoothens the blow. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE.  

FORGETTING MY ACADEMIC EX

You will always remember the feeling of falling in love

Whether it’s with your grade school crush or your chocolate best friend

You will never forget how euphoric it was to finally realize that you have within your grasp the ultimate dream

Then shit happens and it disappoints you big time

For a moment you made my life miserable

But because I’m a relentless romantic

I stood my ground and thought I could win you over

But you run my patience and faith to the ground

When a moment became moments, you tested my determination

Like December’s chill fighting off the summer’s wind

I hold on to the dream that you so invitingly parade before my face

Until it felt like I have wasted tons of tears and truck loads of emotion just overcoming you

Every now and then you still haunt me

Until I realize that you are something that I can never escape but guiltily try every chance I get

Your elusiveness is like a drug I want to try

Baiting me to risk everything and forget the practicalities of life

I can and will never forget the hardships we’ve through

From the first powerful frustrating feeling up to the 4^th numbing sarcastic laugh

Despite the mental and emotional torture you so willingly parade before me

You are still something that I still desire to overcome.

As we again come face to face soon my academic ex

Let me say that there will come a time that you’ll only be a laughing memory

When that time comes, I will embrace you willingly

Finally we’ll be equals and you’ll stop being a dream and turn into reality

BAR I WILL WIN OVER YOU!