MY ILLICIT AFFAIR
Have you ever been addicted to something that despite the challenges it offers you can't stop craving for it?
This is my battle with you.
No matter how hard, no matter how excruciating, I still dream of making you a part of my life.
Even if you're no longer a part of it, forces of nature work wonders to make it happen
An hour in the evening after the baby sleeps
2 hours before baby awakes
That's how I start my illicit time with you.
Stealing moments to run my fingers through your pages.
Before my daily grind starts
I think of the time when you'll speak with me again.
Even if my heart fights you 80% of the time
Circumstances force me to understand and truly remember every word you say.
Money spent, time stolen, emotions spent,
Yet, I'm here draining my emotions and heart for you.
Maybe yes, maybe no.
One thing is for sure, I'll never stop trying.
Wednesday, September 30, 2015
Monday, March 30, 2015
The Silence of a Strong Woman
It takes a strong woman to keep her tears hidden
Cloaked and unseen by those who are supposed to comfort her
Iron jawed, she gets out of bed and act as though everthing is all right
It takes a strong woman to put up a smile for her baby
Greater than a theatre artist to put up a smile and talk to her child like everything is alright
A challenge that she gloriously overcome
When the day ends...when she's in the company of showers and solitude of water
Her emotions break. Tears fell down from her eyes without even her knowing
She silently prays because that's all she has to cling for..
#robot
Cloaked and unseen by those who are supposed to comfort her
Iron jawed, she gets out of bed and act as though everthing is all right
It takes a strong woman to put up a smile for her baby
Greater than a theatre artist to put up a smile and talk to her child like everything is alright
A challenge that she gloriously overcome
When the day ends...when she's in the company of showers and solitude of water
Her emotions break. Tears fell down from her eyes without even her knowing
She silently prays because that's all she has to cling for..
#robot
Sunday, March 29, 2015
Graver than an Affair
If a husband is a good provider
Society dictates that a wife should not complain
But there certain things money can't buy
Like taking over an hour or 2 off from your mother duty time
Frustrations often take over when you're thrust upon a new role
When you have to leave the old you and turn into something new
But there are moments that you'll miss them
The thought of being carefree is a feeling you miss and expunge at the same time
Moments when you want a ME time will be less and less
And you resent your partner's social freedom because the lack of yours
It reaches a point where you just want to be away from him
Away from the new you & just enjoy the old you even for a second
Feeling misreable when you should be happy is graver than having an affair
It opens doors for pretensions which eventually cannot be fixed.
These are the times you pray hard enough to be strong
Strong enough even to ignore your husband's snores...
Society dictates that a wife should not complain
But there certain things money can't buy
Like taking over an hour or 2 off from your mother duty time
Frustrations often take over when you're thrust upon a new role
When you have to leave the old you and turn into something new
But there are moments that you'll miss them
The thought of being carefree is a feeling you miss and expunge at the same time
Moments when you want a ME time will be less and less
And you resent your partner's social freedom because the lack of yours
It reaches a point where you just want to be away from him
Away from the new you & just enjoy the old you even for a second
Feeling misreable when you should be happy is graver than having an affair
It opens doors for pretensions which eventually cannot be fixed.
These are the times you pray hard enough to be strong
Strong enough even to ignore your husband's snores...
Thursday, March 26, 2015
BAR FLUNKER BLUES:
Unsolicited Pieces of Advice You Love to Hate
If there’s a perfect time to shut your trapper, this
would be it.
The moment you don’t see your name being flashed on that
screen in Faura
Is a Cinderella after midnight feeling that turns you
into a monster bulldog
But wait, the worst part has yet to come
Like a baby learning to speak for the first time
You can feel the stares of people who want nothing to
comfort you and say
“Awwww” “oooos” “haist” “tsk tsk”
But wait, you have yet to hear the pieces of advice you
really didn’t solicit
1. All in God’s time
This makes you think that God didn’t want you to pass the
Bar this year. Admit it, that exact moment you didn’t see your name, you
intentionally and momentarily cursed the faith that you so believe in. Don’t
worry, God is forgiving that he’ll let you repent; just make sure you do
repent.
What my brain
says: Shut the fuck up! You didn’t
take the Bar so you don’t know the feeling. God isn’t a fickle person that prevented
me from passing. The fault is mine; maybe I didn’t study much or appreciated a
question wrong. Point is, God always want you to pass. You just have to work
harder for it.
2. Maybe it’s your handwriting, try making it
bigger.
This is the classic one. Blame it on the way I write.
Even if you let them see your now newly constructed perfect handwriting, they
will always find fault in it just to justify the fact that you didn’t pass the
Bar.
What my brain
says: Yup, Bar is so fickle that it
all boils down how perfect your handwriting is (rolling my eyes). Stop judging
the way I write.
3. Study harder
this time; maybe you didn’t study much
Oh yeah! The past 6mos.of my life was just like reading a
50 Shades of Grey book and browsing through the pages. Me not studying enough
for the Bar can be the culprit, but please don’t accuse me of not giving my
100,000% into it. It’s an insult to my efforts and intelligence.
What my brain
says: Only people who didn’t go to
law school will have the audacity to tell you this.
These unsolicited pieces of advice really put the cream
in my night cap. Even I feel my own negativity leaking from this article. I
just want to say to all people who passed the BAR first time and those you
haven’t opened even a single page of codal, words of encouragement has its own
place. If a person doesn’t seek advice from you, don’t give it. A simple smile
and encouragement will do without turning into the Roman Catholic Pope.
Sometimes a simple gesture, a smile and a non-judgmental
dialogue is just enough; and oh, the presence of booze also smoothens the blow.
NEVER GIVE UP HOPE.
FORGETTING
MY ACADEMIC EX
You will always remember the feeling of falling in love
Whether it’s with your grade school crush or your
chocolate best friend
You will never forget how euphoric it was to finally
realize that you have within your grasp the ultimate dream
Then shit happens and it disappoints you big time
For a moment you made my life miserable
But because I’m a relentless romantic
I stood my ground and thought I could win you over
But you run my patience and faith to the ground
When a moment became moments, you tested my determination
Like December’s chill fighting off the summer’s wind
I hold on to the dream that you so invitingly parade before my
face
Until it felt like I have wasted tons of tears and truck
loads of emotion just overcoming you
Every now and then you still haunt me
Until I realize that you are something that I can never
escape but guiltily try every chance I get
Your elusiveness is like a drug I want to try
Baiting me to risk everything and forget the
practicalities of life
I can and will never forget the hardships we’ve through
From the first powerful frustrating feeling up to the 4th
numbing sarcastic laugh
Despite the mental and emotional torture you so willingly
parade before me
You are still something that I still desire to overcome.
As we again come face to face soon my academic ex
Let me say that there will come a time that you’ll only
be a laughing memory
When that time comes, I will embrace you willingly
Finally we’ll be equals and you’ll stop being a dream and
turn into reality
BAR I WILL WIN OVER YOU!
Friday, January 23, 2015
WIND BETWEEN THE PILLAR
According to Pope Francis' in his latest visit in the
Philippines
“Don't ever lose the memory of when you were boyfriend or
girlfriend. That is very important”
Like any other bible quote, it’s vague but sounds
inspiring
Until reality slaps you with a situation where you can
totally relate
An old saying proclaims that a married couple should be
like 2 pillars
Close enough to let the wind pass through them
Which simply means that each spouse should always have
that space between them
Such amount of space to still let each other grow as an
individual
Going back to Pope Francis’ quote all I can say is that
it’s easier said than done
Romance is slowly killed by the realities of things that
should not even bother you
Things and people
enter your life not because you want them but because they are part of a package
A package that you don’t have a choice but embrace
Rekindling the looks you shared as unmarried couple will
be a challenge
Especially when
the look your partner gives you is scrutinized by people who shouldn’t be in the equation.
Those equation unfortunately matters
Hence, you have no choice but to respect it
However respect begets respect and works 2 ways
If that equation doesn’t work like most math problems
The only solution is gloriously flunk it
Simply put, ignorantly put a smile on your face and
pretend everything is okay
When everything seems impossible who else could you turn
to?
It might sound cheesy but a good old quick prayer will
cool you down
The calmness in prayer reigns in your emotion and anger
Let’s you think that the best solution is still kindness
To all married couples who are working hard to let the
other equation work
Patience, diplomacy, prayers and an instant amnesia will
just do the trick
Quickly forget what has been said and focus instead on
the immediate family
you’ve
got
After all words can only hurt you if you let them
Monday, January 12, 2015
Janrine Arwen Leophine
December 24 is the defining date that would change my
life forever.
At 5:45pm, 9 months of waiting has finally ended.
Skin to skin; life tingles my anesthesia filled skin.
A soft kiss on the forehead sealed that bond that will
forever define my nature.
Who would’ve thought such cries would be an angelic voice
to my ear.
Who would’ve thought things such as poop would be an
amazing thing.
A simple smile even at 3 in the morning is such a power
booster
Never wanting that bond to end.
The suckle of your mouth on my breast resonates life all
over me.
The pain of your bite is a testament of my heart’s
willingness to bleed for you.
Although it’s too early for your sight to recognize me
As soon as your cries stop when it touches my chest, recognition
of bond begins.
The future is so much brighter now.
The pain of childbirth more endurable because of your
face.
Everything is clear and at the same time uncertain.
But what is certain is that all things bright and
beautiful is now possible.
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