BAR FLUNKER BLUES: Unsolicited Pieces of Advice You Love to Hate

If there’s a perfect time to shut your trapper, this would be it.

The moment you don’t see your name being flashed on that screen in Faura

Is a Cinderella after midnight feeling that turns you into a monster bulldog

But wait, the worst part has yet to come

Like a baby learning to speak for the first time

You can feel the stares of people who want nothing to comfort you and say

“Awwww” “oooos” “haist” “tsk tsk”

But wait, you have yet to hear the pieces of advice you really didn’t solicit

1. All in God’s time

This makes you think that God didn’t want you to pass the Bar this year. Admit it, that exact moment you didn’t see your name, you intentionally and momentarily cursed the faith that you so believe in. Don’t worry, God is forgiving that he’ll let you repent; just make sure you do repent.

What my brain says:  Shut the fuck up! You didn’t take the Bar so you don’t know the feeling. God isn’t a fickle person that prevented me from passing. The fault is mine; maybe I didn’t study much or appreciated a question wrong. Point is, God always want you to pass. You just have to work harder for it.

2.  Maybe it’s your handwriting, try making it bigger.

This is the classic one. Blame it on the way I write. Even if you let them see your now newly constructed perfect handwriting, they will always find fault in it just to justify the fact that you didn’t pass the Bar.

What my brain says:  Yup, Bar is so fickle that it all boils down how perfect your handwriting is (rolling my eyes). Stop judging the way I write.

3. Study harder this time; maybe you didn’t study much

Oh yeah! The past 6mos.of my life was just like reading a 50 Shades of Grey book and browsing through the pages. Me not studying enough for the Bar can be the culprit, but please don’t accuse me of not giving my 100,000% into it. It’s an insult to my efforts and intelligence.

What my brain says:  Only people who didn’t go to law school will have the audacity to tell you this.

These unsolicited pieces of advice really put the cream in my night cap. Even I feel my own negativity leaking from this article. I just want to say to all people who passed the BAR first time and those you haven’t opened even a single page of codal, words of encouragement has its own place. If a person doesn’t seek advice from you, don’t give it. A simple smile and encouragement will do without turning into the Roman Catholic Pope.

Sometimes a simple gesture, a smile and a non-judgmental dialogue is just enough; and oh, the presence of booze also smoothens the blow. NEVER GIVE UP HOPE.  

FORGETTING MY ACADEMIC EX

You will always remember the feeling of falling in love

Whether it’s with your grade school crush or your chocolate best friend

You will never forget how euphoric it was to finally realize that you have within your grasp the ultimate dream

Then shit happens and it disappoints you big time

For a moment you made my life miserable

But because I’m a relentless romantic

I stood my ground and thought I could win you over

But you run my patience and faith to the ground

When a moment became moments, you tested my determination

Like December’s chill fighting off the summer’s wind

I hold on to the dream that you so invitingly parade before my face

Until it felt like I have wasted tons of tears and truck loads of emotion just overcoming you

Every now and then you still haunt me

Until I realize that you are something that I can never escape but guiltily try every chance I get

Your elusiveness is like a drug I want to try

Baiting me to risk everything and forget the practicalities of life

I can and will never forget the hardships we’ve through

From the first powerful frustrating feeling up to the 4^th numbing sarcastic laugh

Despite the mental and emotional torture you so willingly parade before me

You are still something that I still desire to overcome.

As we again come face to face soon my academic ex

Let me say that there will come a time that you’ll only be a laughing memory

When that time comes, I will embrace you willingly

Finally we’ll be equals and you’ll stop being a dream and turn into reality

BAR I WILL WIN OVER YOU!

WIND BETWEEN THE PILLAR

According to Pope Francis' in his latest visit in the Philippines

“Don't ever lose the memory of when you were boyfriend or girlfriend. That is very important”

Like any other bible quote, it’s vague but sounds inspiring

Until reality slaps you with a situation where you can totally relate

An old saying proclaims that a married couple should be like 2 pillars

Close enough to let the wind pass through them

Which simply means that each spouse should always have that space between them

Such amount of space to still let each other grow as an individual

Going back to Pope Francis’ quote all I can say is that it’s easier said than done

Romance is slowly killed by the realities of things that should not even bother you

Things and people enter your life not because you want them but because they are part of a                                  package

A package that you don’t have a choice but embrace

Rekindling the looks you shared as unmarried couple will be a challenge

Especially when the look your partner gives you is scrutinized by people who shouldn’t be in                               the equation.

Those equation unfortunately matters

Hence, you have no choice but to respect it

However respect begets respect and works 2 ways

If that equation doesn’t work like most math problems

The only solution is gloriously flunk it

Simply put, ignorantly put a smile on your face and pretend everything is okay

When everything seems impossible who else could you turn to?

It might sound cheesy but a good old quick prayer will cool you down

The calmness in prayer reigns in your emotion and anger

Let’s you think that the best solution is still kindness

To all married couples who are working hard to let the other equation work

Patience, diplomacy, prayers and an instant amnesia will just do the trick

Quickly forget what has been said and focus instead on the immediate family

                   you’ve got

After all words can only hurt you if you let them

Janrine Arwen Leophine

December 24 is the defining date that would change my life forever.

At 5:45pm, 9 months of waiting has finally ended.

Skin to skin; life tingles my anesthesia filled skin.

A soft kiss on the forehead sealed that bond that will forever define my nature.

Who would’ve thought such cries would be an angelic voice to my ear.

Who would’ve thought things such as poop would be an amazing thing.

A simple smile even at 3 in the morning is such a power booster

Never wanting that bond to end.

The suckle of your mouth on my breast resonates life all over me.

The pain of your bite is a testament of my heart’s willingness to bleed for you.

Although it’s too early for your sight to recognize me

As soon as your cries stop when it touches my chest, recognition of bond begins.

The future is so much brighter now.

The pain of childbirth more endurable because of your face.

Everything is clear and at the same time uncertain.

But what is certain is that all things bright and beautiful is now possible.

Gnawing Portrait

My first visit to the National Museum was supposed to educate me about the atrocities committed by the Spaniard towards the Philippines. The visit was required by one of my subjects in college. As I visually rummaged through the various paintings, it was not the historical Spolarium that caught my eye, it was a simple painting of an infant.

As I looked closely at the painting, the sleeping infant, who looks to be 2 to 3 months old, slumbers so innocently wearing his baptismal gown. The painting captured the delicate smile and fan of the infant’s eyebrows on his cheeks as he sleeps. Looking at it, it made me sigh at how lovely the picture was. Too bad that during that time there were no digital cameras or even cellphone cameras I can use to capture the image. Interested and intrigued, I looked at the description.

There was a story to the picture, a sad one. The painter was a father who has lost a child. Gazing upon it, I felt the father’s pain. To encapsulate every detail of a child he only had a few months to hold in the painting is so moving that even after hundreds of years it still had that power to touch hearts.

It was 1998 when I saw that painting for the first time. Year 2014, I embarked to recapture my interest in the arts by going to the National Museum again. The old building was different, and the painting was no longer in its original place. I asked a museum staff stationed at the lobby if they have seen a painting of a dead baby, and he pointed me to the newly renovated gallery. There it was, on display with a big wall all his own, is the sleeping infant that captured my heart.

Just by looking at the painting, I wouldn’t have known it that time that the baby already passed away were it not for the signage just below the portrait. Maybe that is the reason why the image is so alive; to make us feel that even in death, the love we have for our dearly departed will never leave us and will continue to inspire us to live our lives.     

A Wife's New Year Resolution

It may seem odd to write a resolution weeks after New Years and even days after Valentines. But in the few months into marriage I realized that every day is a New Year, a new opportunity to redeem yourself, take back the words you said, and strengthen the love for your significant behalf. 

To stand true to my vows and commitment, here's my 2014 New Year Resolution stated under my new civil status.

1. Powering Up the Redeeming Factor. - I married not only you buy your family too; for this I vow to put importance on your thoughts and opinion rather than fighting for my own. Happiness is achieved not by winning over others but by arriving at a compromise where everybody is happy.

2. Flaring up has its moments but not on our bed. - Patience is indeed a virtue. When the radical voices in my head are clawing their way into my mouth to make you understand a point, I'll endeavor to hear you out calmly and understand your point before my mouth gets ahead of my head.

3. To calmly count to 10 before getting mad at something.- Again, this has something to do with giving way to reason rather than emotion. 

4. Measuring ourselves without the vanities of Facebook statistics. - Facebook statistics should be entertaining not serve as measurement of achievements. That is a point I will always shove into your face even if it annoys you. To always prove that Facebook statuses and status symbol are superficial & should never gauge the happiness of a couple or a family.

5. Filtered honest will be indiscrimately applied. - There will be times that I will hide things from you. But I can assure you that when I do, it will only be trivial, superficial and NEVER on the level of financial or betrayal. Sometimes, a wife just gotta have secrets.

6. 100% effort for 50/50 sharing. - It's for my benefit that we live in a man-dominated society; but just because that could work to my benefit, it doesn't mean that I'm going to take advantage of it. I will endeavor to always be your better half especially during times when you need someone to solve your problems. 

For now I'll end up at 6. . representing the things I've learned this past 2 months that we've been married. I promise to put all these into practical action. The list may go on, but 1 thing is certain; even if the list/number goes up, my promises will intensify. I love you husband. 

Parasite

How does one resist the plea of the one who gave life?

How does one fight the decay that drains the foundations it helped fortify?

When the towers that surround your castle stands tall and proud.

Unbending and unyielding to the cracks that sips through it.

Sometimes life gives you legacies that you never want to inherit.

Obligations are meant to be fulfilled not passed on to those who has nothing to learn from it.

The unwilling heir receives under pain of sacrifice & unhappiness

And those who profess to love him are the very force the drains him.

The claws of embraced filial duty grows strong when responsibility beckons

It’s meant to be shared by those who shares the same blood and last name.

Such concentration of responsibility breeds resentment and ruin.

To those whose honest heart have been abused.

The warmth of a womb is meant to comfort the child’s spirit and soul.

It should never be a shackle that stops your growth.

The cord of filial duty and the ties of blood should not disappoint.

It should never be a parasite that steals your strength and justifies its false righteousness.